My ex roommate returns

Last night I had another dream about my ex roommate and ex friend. This time I decided to move myself to another city.

With the help of my grandmother (who is in real life not well enough to help in this capacity), I packed myself up in a moving truck and took myself to Corvallis, Oregon so I could attend school.

I got there and moved in with 3 other girls. One of which was my ex roommate. I don't know what in hell I was thinking. There is no way in hell this would ever work out. I guess I saw this too all too late when spending the first night there. The place was so small that I know 4 girls could not live there in any sort of comfort.

There were four very small bedrooms and we would all have our own space, but the living areas were just as small. The living room was right off each bedroom and the room you entered from the front door. The kitchen was right off the living room. The whole place had an open layout. Nothing partitioned off. All open. I didn't even see a kitchen table.

When my ex roommate and the other girl went to bed (I think it could have been the third roommate my roommate in real life let move in with us and what caused me initially to move out), I talked with the forth girl. I was already considering getting out of there like that night.

I asked how much the rent was and it was cheaper than what I paid with my ex roommate. Utilities were included. She said something about the food being separate. That made sense to me at the time.

I then got on the phone to my grandmother to tell her I was moving back. I'd only been there barely a day. I told her it wasn't going to work out. Even going to school just wasn't going to work. Interestingly, I was also signed up for classes and set to start the next day. How all that happened so quickly, I don't know.

My grandma said she wasn't surprised and thought I would come to that conclusion. She asked how much of my stuff was unpacked and I told her not much was. I could essentially just put everything back in a truck and leave.

I was figuring out the logistics of how I would move in one night when the dream ended.

No way would I move in with that bitch again. I don't truly dislike many people, but I despise her.

Old Roommate, Bad Roommate

I'm not really sure why, but I had 3 dreams in the span of a week that involved moving back in with my former-ex roommate and ex friend.

In the first one, I had gotten back into the house somehow and no one was home. I was in my old room that was as empty as I'd left it. I had a measuring tape and was measuring the room. I decided there was no way I could get a larger bed in the room (why I would do that, I don't know) and definitely no way I could move back into that small room.

I left the room and was suddenly curious as to whether the third (or as I called her non-existant) roommate had decided to permanantly stay. I really wanted to check and see if all her things were in her room. When I left the house months ago, the girl was still in transition. She hadn't set anything up in her room and was supposed to be preparing to move elsewhere. I somehow peaked through a crack in her door and saw all her furniture set up. Her bed was put together and made and her dresser was next to it.

I got upset since the whole reason I moved to begin with (well, part of the reason) was because of this girl. I kept being told she was moving soon and that if I just stuck around a bit longer she would be gone. I was upset and felt lied to (this is actually true as I found out about a month ago that this girl never actually moved out as I was originally told she would. I'm glad I moved when I did!).

Something happened I don't remember and that was it.

The second dream went a little differently. I was now back in the house. I think my stuff was moved in. I was walking through the house seeing that nothing had changed (original roommate was still a bitch, second roommate was still living there and being annoying) and I knew I had to find a way out.

I went to my aunt and asked if she could help me. I don't remember what I asked her, but I think I asked if I could stay with her. I think she said no and I told her I would ask someone else. I think I was going to ask one of my friends, but was sort of nervous of her answer as well.

Then I wondered what had happened to my little apartment (where I live now) because that was my out of that hellhole where I was living. I got that apartment to get away from my roommates. And it appeared that place didn't exist in this dream. It was like I had never moved out to begin with.

So perhaps it morphed somewhere in the middle of the dream.

The third dream I don't remember, but I think it was pretty much the same. I moved back and was miserable. And it all centered around the girl who was my friend being awful and the third roommate being an inconsiderate slob.

Way too much change

Too much to name has been going on in my life.

First, I made the decision to move out of my roommate's house. Made that decision and made the move within the same month. I couldn't stand living there any longer. I was just so depressed all the time. I felt like we were all on top of each other. I don't think my cat was very happy either. And I'm sure she could sense my unhappiness.

So I moved out and got help from some wonderful people in my life. I was moved out within 2 weeks. When the former roommate started accusing me of taking things I didn't take, I buzzed over there and was completely out in 3 days.

Where did I move? It's a cut little studio apartment above a garage. I like it, but I'm still not unpacked completely. It depresses me to not have everything put away. I tried getting the most used spots like my bedroom area and kitchen put away. With such a small space, it's hard to not let things pile up. I just need to get things put away, but that's a tall order right now.

Plus, money is really tight. Probably the tightest it's ever been for me. Excluding the times I was unemployed.

Basically the truth is that all my expenses have changed and I'm not sure how to handle that. I'm working on budgeting my money and only spending what I have. I haven't been here a full month yet, and I haven't quite gotten a handle on that concept yet. I buy what I need and it never seems to stretch far enough.

I'm considering a few options. I plan to use my "extra" paycheck in December to pay off 2 credit cards. One is almost paid off (it was a no interest deal I've been paying off since last year) and the other is basically all my moving expenses. I still have one larger balance on another card from my recent vacation.

That's another stress for me. I wish I could say I wish I hadn't taken that trip to Arizona, but I just can't. I wouldn't be so far in debt, but I also wouldn't have had that wonderful experience. It was so fun and I think I needed it. If I can just get those two paid off, I can make more significant payments on the other one and have some extra cash on hand.

I think what I'm worried about most is having nothing. No money, no food, no place to live. However, I feel like if I had nothing it would be easier. Like having no things to worry about and no house would make it easier for me. No security, but I'd be able to come and go. Not sure that makes sense.

I thank God every day for my job. It obviously doesn't pay quite enough to get me through the month, but I get by. But if I didn't have my job to go to every day, I know I'd sit at home, sleep, wallow in self pity all day long 24 hours a day.

There was a point this year when things were tough at work and I wished and prayed that they would lay me off so I could get unemployment. I just didn't see how I could go on feeling as I was feeling and have the "burden" of a job. Since then I've seen how bad that would have been. I was at my roommate's place and at that time I didn't know how close to foreclosure her place was. If I had lost my job, I couldn't have moved. I would have been stuck there. I also wouldn't have gone on that trip (it was truly an amazing vacation). I would have really been up the creek without a paddle. If worse came to worse, I could live with my aunt and uncle, but that didn't work out too well the first time I tried it when I moved last year.

So, I'm glad I moved. No question. What worries me is that I'm so depressed a lot of the time. I'm freaking out about having no money. Literally no money.

Over the weekend, I paid all my bills for these two weeks. Budgeted out the money I need to make payments on credit cards and my gas bill (car) which is going to be higher than budgeted because of the moving. I took SOOO many car loads of my crap from her house to my new place and that was quite a ride.

Plus, Saturday I did my grocery shopping. What a chore! I got all the ads from the paper at work. Cut coupons, pulled store coupons, made list of what I needed. I needed almost everything it turned out. I planned out where I was going to go for what. It would have been a total of 5 stores, but I dropped one (their cheese sale wasn't as good as a store coupon at another store) that included Costco for cat litter). Including food for the cat. I may have gone a little overboard, though. Filled my freezer (the big one) with everything from frozen dinners to bread for at least a month or 2.

Even though I freaked out at the status of my bank account when done, I have to look at what I have. I have enough lunch and breakfast stuff for probably at least a month. I ended up saving a lot of money in my book. Got a free loaf of bread with my punch card at the local outlet bakery plus enough english muffins and sandwich bread for a quite a while. I love the outlet store. I got a great deal on my hot cereal. Didn't intent to buy frozen dinners, but with a coupon I got 3 for 5. Everything for the cat ended up being less than $15. But they did not have the large bag of cat food I'd hoped to buy. That was irritating. Got the next size smaller with a coupon. And had to use it because it expired tomorrow. Considering using my other coupon next payday on a small bag because it's not as much as this one I just used, but still a good savings.

So now that I've ranted about how much I've spent and how much savings I got and my stock pile of food, I still need to save money. Did not do that this month. Figured I wouldn't have that much extra cash, so I didn't even try. Just put the money toward paying off those cards and buying new stuff for my place.

I did pick up an area rug for my bedroom area. I really like it. It's a mingled with blue and white. I need one more rug for the dining area which is my dumping ground right now. Also got necessities like a broom and iron.

Come Christmas time, I hope to have this budget thing worked out. I think we all also need to figure out very soon what's happening for Christmas. I can't spend a lot on presents. I was hoping to make jewelry again like I did last year. Either that or maybe calendars. If my girlfriends and I exchange gifts this year, I'm way toning it down. Can't do that big gift baskets like I did last year. I'll just have to be inventive.

On top of this stuff, I've gotten sick. I thought I had kicked it, but I've been down all day. Don't know that I'm going to work tomorrow. I think I'm calling in sick. We shall see when my alarm goes off tomorrow morning. Had hoped on Friday that all that airborne was kicking in. Maybe I should have been taking it over the weekend too. Ugh. But this headache will not go away.

I'd better head to bed. Not sure anyone reads this, but thanks for letting me get my feelings out. I feel a tad better now.